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Photo Credit: UnsplashGet Pastor Damian Alamba's eBook, " Now That You are Single" CLICK HERE: https://selar.co/zoib |
A marriage without courtship is like walking in a dark room without light. Many Singles find love and lose their mind. They become obsessed about getting married quick that they even forget that they need to court. In this jet age, people now do husband and wife way bill, the same way they do way bill for a parcel.
What I mean is, a man will stay in Abroad for instance and his parents in the village will arrange a wife for him, marry the lady for the man and send the woman to a total stranger through way bill. That's very funny. Many Singles do funny things in the name of Marriage on social media.
Do you know some Singles fall in love with pictures on social media and even marry the person who they have not seen with their optical eyes before. That's a big error. While it is not bad to admire a beautiful or handsome picture you see online. You cannot marry a picture, you need a real person to marry. Most pictures you see online are not real. Some Internet fraudsters use a beautiful girl's picture to camouflage as a lady online in other to deceive some ignorant men. Even the real girls online, sometimes use make up and beauty apps to exaggerate their beauty. Don't be deceived for nothing. You need to see the guy or lady you want to marry with your own eyes before you start falling in love. You need to get to know the person you want to marry before you start making marriage plans.
Having said these so far, let's talk about courtship a little bit. Courtship is not a time to know each other sexually. Knowing each other sexually begins from your wedding night. Courtship is not a worldly doctrine. It is a biblical practice. Joseph was in courtship with the Virgin Mary before he discovered that the woman was pregnant by the Holy Ghost.
What is courtship?
Courtship is a time when a man and a woman who are intending to get married come closer to each other to learn each other's behaviour, so they can know each other better and see if the marriage will work or not. You cannot separate courtship from marriage. A godly and successful courtship will give birth to a happy and successful marriage. While negligence of courtship or a dirty courtship will produce a troublesome and acidic marriage which cannot stand the test of time.
If you interview most couples who have gone to a customary court to dissolve their marriage, you will discover some of them didn't have courtship before their marriage, and if there was a courtship at all, it is probably a dirty courtship. If you don't want to end up your marriage in the court tomorrow, start it today with a clean and godly courtship void of immorality and evil motives.
Types of Courtship
There are two kinds of Courtship namely :
(1) Clean Courtship
(2) Dirty Courtship
As the names imply, Clean Courtship is a godly Courtship that is based on good Christian morals and values. It doesn't involve sex before marriage or ungodly activities. Dirty Courtship is a kind of Courtship where the intending couple involve themselves in all manner of sexual immorality and ungodly behaviors behind closed doors.
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Photo Credit: UnsplashGet Pastor Damian Alamba's eBook, " Now That You are Single" CLICK HERE: https://selar.co/zoib |
Characteristics of Clean Courtship and Dirty Courtship
In Clean Courtship,
1. The intending couples pray together.
2. They go for Soul Winning together.
3. They read and study their Bible together.
4. They don't use immoral words in their communication.
5. They don't caress each other's private parts.
6. They don't have sex before marriage.
7. They plan their future together.
8. They relate with each other as godly and closed friends.
9. They assist and help each other financially without expecting anything in return.
10. They don't call each other pet Names that may excite lust while in Courtship.
11. They don't sleep over in each other's house.
12. They make their parents and spiritual fathers to be aware of the relationship.
13. They avoid all appearances of evil.
14. They don't lead each other into temptation.
15. They meet mostly in the open place and not behind closed doors.
16. They don't dress seductively or half naked when they are together with each other.
17. The lady does not assume the roles of a Married wife in the house of the guy.
18. The man does not assume the roles of a Married husband in the hands of the lady.
The characteristics of Dirty Courtship are the direct opposite of what we read above about clean Courtship.
Why is Courtship very important?
Courtship is Important because it reveals the real identity and character of the person you are planning to marry. Without courtship, you will be getting married to a stranger.
1. To build friendship.
The purpose of Courtship is to build Friendship. Successful marriage is a product of good friendship with your partner built from Courtship and developed with time. Couples who got married without good courtship may discover after few months of marriage that they are married but still emotionally single.
2. To remove the mask of pretence and show the true colour of the guy or lady you want to marry.
Purpose of Courtship is to help you remove the mask of pretence and reveal the true colour of the guy or lady you want to get married to. Alot of Singles are wearing different kinds of masks. From afar they look like an angel but when you get closer, you will see a different person all together. Don't be deceived by someone's talents, gifts, beauty, handsomeness, money, popularity or positions. Such things can be faked. Besides, they don't last forever. Courtship will help you to see beyond the peripherals. It will help you to know when you are dating the wrong man or woman.
3. To tell you whether to continue with the marriage or to end it at Courtship.
Purpose of Courtship is to tell you whether to continue with the marriage or to end it at the courtship level. The marriage that will work shows its signs early from Courtship. The same applies to the one that will not work. Unfortunately, many ignore the warning signs of bad Courtship and continue with the marriage with the hope that their partner will change tomorrow. In most cases, it ends up in regret, heartbreak, separation and divorce. Let me tell you the truth. Human beings hardly change. And if at all they change, it is only God who can change them. You can't change anyone. Only God can. So if you don't like him or her the way he is now, please don't marry him. Don't put your marital destiny in bondage based on a hope that has no guarantee.
4. To help you confirm your convictions.
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Photo Credit: UnsplashGet Pastor Damian Alamba's eBook, " Now That You are Single" CLICK HERE: https://selar.co/zoib |
Purpose of Courtship is to help you confirm your convictions. God cannot lie and He does not contradict Himself. When God shows you who your wife or husband is, courtship will confirm it. God cannot tell you that a lady is your wife and her character will be saying a different thing. Most times people say, God said this sister is my wife, that brother is my husband, when you subject their claims to clean Courtship, it will prove to be a false claim. One sure foundation for a successful marriage is when you know for sure that God says this is your husband or wife and come to Courtship and see the proofs there.
5. To lay a good foundation for your marriage.
Purpose of Courtship is to help the singles to lay a good foundation for their marriage. If Courtship is the foundation, then marriage is the structure. The success of every structure lies in the foundation. When you lay good foundation of Purity, trust, love, accountability, reliability and happiness in Courtship, you continue with it in your marriage. Courtship is not a time to sing only love songs to each other. It is a time to work together and lay a good foundation for your marriage. During Courtship, you should have time to pray together, study and read the word of God, plan together as a team, discuss important issues that will help the marriage etc.
6. To prepare very well for your marriage while waiting for your wedding.
Purpose of Courtship is to help you to prepare very well for your marriage while waiting for your wedding. You don't prepare in marriage, you prepare for marriage. Yon don't wait until your wedding day before you begin to learn how to do domestic work or house chores. While you are waiting for your wedding day, courtship gives you a good opportunity to improve yourself, learn things you need to know about marriage which you didn't know before etc.
7. To avoid the mistake of marrying the wrong man or woman tomorrow.
Purpose of Courtship is to help you avoid the mistake of marrying the wrong man or woman tomorrow. It is said that a rat which runs into the cobra's hole in a haste will always come out with a reverse. There is no short cut in marriage. If you want true happiness in marriage and a successful and lasting relationship, follow due process. Don't cut corners. Don't rush it. Don't mess it up from the beginning. Lay a good foundation for your marriage through clean Courtship and you will be laughing and dancing for joy when others are crying and regretting tomorrow.
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Get Pastor Damian Alamba's eBook, " Now That You are Single" CLICK HERE: https://selar.co/zoib
Damian Alamba
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